(I apologise, this post is longer than my usual, wordpress is not allowing me to paragraph due to space limit)…
Everyone knows that jealously stems from insecurity and it is only natural for us to feel jealous from time to time. The problem is, we easily can allow it to effect our lives and the lives of others in a very negative way. When it causes you to lose friends or make your relationship toxic, you need to look inwards and fix those wounds you are carrying around with you….
If your friend gets a promotion, loses weight or gets married while you are single, unhealthy and in a job you don’t like that can make you long for what they have. It is okay to want that for yourself, but you also have to be happy for them and their achievements. If you hold resentment or worse, start talking negativity about that person in order to try make yourself feel better, that is when you really lose. Lose at life and maybe even that friendship. Others successes should not make us feel like lesser beings. It should encourage us to go after what we want. It shows we can achieve all our dreams in life if we just put the effort in. The thing is humans don’t like change. We look for the easy way in life and it is easier to try drag someone down than to get up and put the work in ourselves….
I’ve gotten pretty good at being happy for my friends. I used to be jealous, especially when it comes how other women look. If I thought they were beautiful I would stay away as I would feel insecure and ugly. Now I love popping onto Instagram and seeing my friends lose the fat and gain the muscle mass. I love the progress pictures and it encourages me to be on my game. To put the effort in to get the results I want, because bitching doesn’t burn calories! It is very important to empower each other….
Now comes the real struggle. Jealously in relationships. Jesus Christ I used to be a disaster of a girlfriend. Cheated on, lied to and suffering with anorexia, can you say “WALKING MESS OF INSECURITY”. I couldn’t see the psycho-ness of what I was doing. I had justified it all to myself. I was the one in the right and that was that. Slightly over two years ago when my then boyfriend’s ex would not leave me alone, I could not believe how she was acting. It really made me question how I behave and I came to the conclusion that I do not want to be a person who acts like that. Sense then I have been single the last 18 months. I’ve learned to live alone and love myself. I found the value within myself and now I know the right person will want me and I don’t have to “Fight for” or “Prove my worth” to anyone. I still feel insecure from time to time though. I wouldn’t say I am there yet, but I’ve come a very long way….
I don’t make friends often. I mean, I talk to everyone. They are acquaintances. Meet up for tea / coffee and the chats but not people I would text every single day and really be myself around. I met two lovely women at work in 2015 and no new friends until a few months ago when I got talking to a man and we really hit it off. Thing is, he isn’t single and the missus doesn’t like me. Now we are no longer friends and that really hurts me. I had five friends and now I have four. My relationships are the most important thing to me, so nothing could actually hurt me more. Previously I had been longing for a relationship, but my silver-lining with this happening is, I now know I want to be even more secure in who I am, because whoever I end up with, I don’t want to be the reason they have to lose a friend. It goes back to the “Having to fight for” feeling and I want to be like “Hey buddy, you either want me or you don’t but I ain’t jumping any hoops”. I have my self worth and if you would rather be with someone else, BYEEE Thanks for the lessons and good memories, someone else more suited to me must be out there…
At the end of the day you can not watch someone’s every move, if they are going to cheat or leave they will do it. You can’t stop them, and why should you want to? Do you want someone who doesn’t want you just as much? Anyway, just because someone talks to the opposite sex does not mean something is happening. They can simply be friends. It’s healthy to have a mix of friends. You can’t not talk to half the population for the rest of your life simply because you are in a relationship. Males and Females have different perspectives. If it is nice for me to go to a guy-friend to get their opinion then it HAS to be okay for a future boyfriend to go to his lady-friend for chats also. ***End Rant***…..
I was talking this situation over with one of my four friends who is also an ex I was with for six years. We both agreed that we will always be friends. If either of us are dating someone and that person isn’t secure enough to accept it, sorry, We are never ever dropping each other, and the right person for us will not ask that from us. That conversation was really good to have too. I’m trying to focus on the good that has come out of this situation. I don’t know if the post is going to help anyone. All I know is that I am really hurting and I needed something like a diary entry to try let all the hurt out. Maybe this highlights to some people the negative behaviours in themselves that they may want to change and that can only be a good thing….
Until next time, take care…
Love Roxy xxx
Love Roxy xxx