This is a question I have been sitting with for the last several days. It is safe to say that the majority of people out there want that one special someone to love. We want to love and feel love in return. In today’s modern world people marry at an older age. This can be looked on as both a positive and negative thing. Today we are less likely to settle for unhappy marriages or relationships. Divorce is no longer taboo. The thing is, do we now hold the idea of our “perfect partner” to an unrealistic expectation?
Some people get into bad relationships (Emotionally or Physically Abusive) because they struggle with their own self esteem and feel like they can’t or don’t deserve any better. Sadly people in those situations have their standards too low. What if you have lived alone or been alone for a long period of time. You know you can survive without a romantic relationship. You do everything for yourself and can even be stubborn in your ways. (I am speaking about myself in both situations here) It is going to take someone pretty awesome to change that, but what does that awesome entail? Have you ever sat down and wrote what characteristics your ideal partner would have? From their image, to their belief system to their career. If you haven’t, write one out now. If you have go find it. Now read back over it only this time apply it to yourself. Are you the type of person you want to be to attract the type of partner you are looking for? If like attracts like, we must first become what we are looking for.
As we grow through life becoming the person we want to be and figuring out kind of person we want to spend our life with, we will meet new people. People we are attracted to. People who hold some but not all of the characteristics we desire. Is there really any point in dating those people? You know it will never work so why invest the time and more importantly invest the emotion in them? It seems like unnecessary pain. The thing is, are we simply meant to stay alone until “the one” comes along? How will we know if it is the right person if we do not give them a chance?
My entire life I have always held the belief that if you don’t feel the relationship could go anywhere how could you be in it? How could you possibly be vulnerable with someone you do not love or who does not love you back. As I sit here thinking and typing I feel my perspective changing. Every person comes into our life for a reason. A lesson we must learn, positive or negative. An experience to have that shapes us and allows us to grow into the person that eventually attracts the relationship we have always wanted. The wrong person can still show you some of the right things. You will learn, laugh and grow together. You may even grow to love each other, but not be in love with each other. We are all afraid (by we, I mean me) of getting hurt. It is only natural to want to protect your heart. Closing it off is not protecting it. You might not have the heartache of saying goodbye to someone, but you also shut out the good memories you could be making and the lessons to be learnt.
We never know how long we have in this lifetime. We should grab every experience and opportunity that excites us. I have arrived at the conclusion that it is not only okay to date the wrong person, it is necessary!
“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.” – Gail Sheehy