Christmas and New Years, a time of joy and people getting together. If you ask most people they will tell you it is their favourite time of year. I have always been confused by this. If this is so, why is Christmas and New Years also known as the most depressing time of year, with most people feeling lonely and sadly even taking their own life?. For years I struggled at this time of year. Around the second weekend in December I would start getting depressed. I never asked myself why. I put it down to “The winter blues”, that was until last year when something happened with a family member that made me realise the very reason I had been struggling with this time of year for the last decade.
People can be so fake at Christmas. “Friends”and family members that you haven’t spoken to all year, people who have never been there for you when you needed them, all come out of the woodwork at Christmas. People you don’t get along with, maybe even fight with, all ask to meet up because “it’s the holiday’s”. They call or make you call to them. You buy a present you don’t want to spend money on, meet up with the only thing on your mind being “how long do I have to wait before I can leave”,or they are the ones who call to you, and you can tell they are itching to leave from the minute they get there. If you don’t invest in someone the other eleven months, why fake caring simply because it is Christmas? I now only invest time in the people I care about. I don’t fake it at the holiday’s. If I want alone time I take it. Doing this has been life changing. I feel more genuine and honest. I know other people can perceive this as being selfish or uncaring, but that simply isn’t true. It is more respectful in my opinion to spend less time, or no time with someone if you simply do not care. To me the worst feeling is having someone around me, that does not want me around them. There is nothing wrong with either of us as people, we just don’t mix together so why bother trying?
New Years has always upset me greatly. There is a social convention to have someone to kiss as the count down hits one but to all the singletons out there, it is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person, so if you have nobody to kiss how about you give yourself an inner hug, and know that you will always be there for yourself. That’s a side note really, the main reason I don’t celebrate New Years is because everyone makes it about resolutions. About how who they are right now is not good enough and they have to change themselves. Change is good when it is growth, but most people talk about losing weight, giving up food. They talk about what they believe are their short comings. It is all so negative. Saying “I am not good enough the way I am now”. Not good enough for who? Why does it have to be about losing weight? Why can’t it be about getting fit? Having the energy to run and play with your children, nieces and nephews. Be able to climb a mountain, run a marathon or increase your strength. Eating healthy so you replace feeling tired and depressed with feelings of energy and happiness. I work in a health store and 75% of the people come in looking for weight loss supplements and when you ask what foods they will be eating and what exercise are they planning on doing, they just look at you with a blank expression on their face and say “Oh I’m not going on a diet or exercise but I want to lose the weight”. *Ultimate Sigh of Exhaustion* Those people mentally drain me. Yo-yo dieting, fasting, skinny shit shakes, meal replacement crap, and self loathing, until the summer where they have starved for so long that once they go on their sun holiday and start eating they don’t stop until they weigh more than they did at Christmas. It is an extremely hard cycle to break out of. One that lead to my eating disorder and years of self hatred before I finally learned to break free. It is my freedom that allows me to see others who are still trapped.
I know this is not everyone’s reality of Christmas and the New Years, but this is my reality and this is why I don’t celebrate it. My favourite time of the year is St. Patrick’s Day. I love my heritage and I am very proud to be an Irish Republican. With all of that said, I do wish you all, all the love and happiness that the New Year has to offer. Take care of yourself. Love yourself and if you choose to have a New Years Resolution, go forward and grow with self love, self acceptance and inner peace.
Love Roxy! Xx