I’ve spent most of my life wanting to die.
When you find yourself living a life empty of love and happiness, it is difficult to be thankful you are alive. You find yourself day dreaming of packing everything up and moving somewhere, where no one knows you. No one judges you. No one makes you feel worthless. There are even days where a thought like that could be seen as a good day, because before you know it, you find yourself thinking, “what would be the least painful way I could kill myself?”. Sadly in today’s world, the number of people thinking and feeling like that is growing. I know only too well.
As I write this I am twenty-eight years old and I have spent the last nineteen years hating myself. It has only been in the last few months I have found it within to finally accept and love myself exactly the way I am.
Today I know I am worthy of love, that my life does matter. I came here with a purpose and I truly believe each and every one of us is deserving of love and is here to make an impact on the world. Coming to this realisation was not easy. It took a lot of time, therapy, tears and a hell of a lot of talking to friends and loved ones for me to grasp this perspective.
I believe everyone was born with unconditional love, for themselves and for others. As we grow up we are shaped by the people around us and the events in our lives. Our primal instinct is to survive any way we know how. These events alter our mental and physical behaviour and we start losing our unconditional love. We start judging people, judging the world and in turn we judge ourselves. We judge ourselves harder than anyone else ever could. We beat ourselves up over the smallest thing and we can store it for a life time, whipping it out to beat ourselves up from time to time, when everyone else has forgotten about it.
With this website I want to share with you the struggles I have faced. I want you to know that you are not alone. I will share with you the tools I use to love everyone no matter how they feel about me, but most importantly I will share with you the reasons why the key to happiness is the relationship we have with ourselves. Family, Friends, a Romantic Partner or Money will not bring you happiness. You only achieve happiness from within, and it is within all of us to be happy .
– Hugs and Love, Roxy xXx